Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize