oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
