I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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