the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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