White coat. Heels.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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