Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
