ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
