She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
