he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We are all done wearing pants today
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
