He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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