Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
