idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
