Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
