Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
