mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
