theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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