To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
