Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
