I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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