It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
