At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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