...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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