you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
