If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
