I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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