i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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