i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
