I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
