i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
