i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
