I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
