I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My vagina is officially offended.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
