i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
