The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
