Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
