What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm too high and old for this...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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