somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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