cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
