Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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