I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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