I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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