i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
