I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
