Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
