I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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