Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
