No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
