Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i've created a new STD.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
