I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
