Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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