why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
