My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize