There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
