Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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