if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
false alarm. still invincible.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize