I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You can't special order awesome
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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