i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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