shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
