the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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