I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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