Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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