Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
