is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
