Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
