Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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