All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
