Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize