I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
