my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
