Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
