just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
