im drinking this country out of the recession.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
