How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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