How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
