sarcasm needs its own font
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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