Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
