This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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